The Outsiders: Cliche Compendium
by Raige
Summary: From Curtis sisters plotting to take over the world, to the Outsiders time travelling, this a collection of all cliches, funny and retarded. RR please!
1. Ponygirl Curtis

_A/N: I got sick and tired of the many cliches in the Outsiders universe...Hence, this insanity was born...XD There will parodies of different things every couple of chapters..so yeah, on with the story..This chapter is the Curtis Sister Fic starring Ponygirl Colette Curtis-Riddle-Fowl XD_

* * *

**195-something**

Mr. and Mrs. Curtis were in the hospital after the birth of their two twin children. One was a boy and one was a girl.

"So...umm..what should we call them," asked Mrs. Curtis with a blank look on her face, "We've already used Darrel and Sodapop, which I might remind you, we used only because you're 'psychic' told you to. Apparently they'll grow up, we'll die, and they will have millions of fangirls who drool over them. Did your 'psychic' tell you anything else?

Mr. Curtis was on the phone with his attorney, having gotten into a mess involving questionable activities with horse, or as Mr. Curtis preferred to call them, 'ponies' "DAMMNIT, IT WAS A PONY, BOY! A PONY! AND HER NAME WAS TAYLOR!"

A nurse jumps in out of a random plot hole and says, "Ponyboy? Okay, Ponyboy it is," and writes it on the little boy's birth certificate.

"Huh? Oh well, nurse from the random plot hole, let's call the girl Ponygirl Colette Curtis-Riddle-Fowl, even though the Riddles and the Fowls are from different universes and I technically shouldn't know about them" said Mrs. Curtis, clearly out of breath (and out of her mind.) Mr. Curtis has no say in this as he is sucked into the random plot hole the nurse came out of.

"Oh woe is me, we are too poor to keep them both. Who will we keep?"wondered Mrs. Curtis. Then she had a genius idea.

"Oh I know:_Eenie, meenie,miney, moe, catch a Greaser by the hair, if he hollers, cut his throat, eenie,meenie, miney, moe._ Okay, we keep Ponyboy! I'll just ship the girl off to live with horribly abusive relatives because it is vitally important to the non-existant plot," mused Mrs. Curtis to no one in particular.

* * *

**14 Years Later**

**Ponygirl's POV**

Ponygirl grew into a gorgeous,intelligent, flirtatious girl. Despite the fact that no human has purple eyes, she had purple eyes with long lashes.She had long Pantene-Pro V commercial hair that was black with 'natural' red streaks. Ponygirl was a 'greaser' girl, but she didn't smoke because it would ruin her perfect teeth. And don't ask about the name Ponygirl. Just don't.

Ponygirl was abused by her uncle who threw beer bottles at her when he was drunk. Somehow,he always managed to miss, even when she was standing right in front of him.One day, because she was strong and all that jazz, Ponygirl picked up and left. She ran only with the clothes on her back, and of course, it was raining. Where did she run to? To the train station, because every logical person runs to the train station in the middle of the night.She cried because-wait, why was she-I crying? I don't know it just seemed to make it dramatic. And yes, I do enjoy writing about myself in the third person. But I'm not insane. Oh no, not insane, because I'm the epitome of perfect.

Anyway back to my story. I snuck into the boxcar of a train so quietly that nobody noticed me. I was still sobbing for who knows what reason. Yet somehow, the railroad crew didn't notice my sobbing. Even though I was crying, my makeup was of course, still perfect. Haven't you gottten the point yet? I'm perfect!For some unfathomable reason, the train ended up in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

For another unfathomable reason, I, suddenly not tired, went over to the Greaser side of town, because by my Mary-Sueish magic, I knew exactly where that was.As you know, Mary-Sues never get tired, and they always know where they are.Then, as I walking, some Socs ambushed me.Technically, they should have killed me because I am a self-described Greaser, but-oh shut up, you're ruining my plot line! So anyway, they were going to let me go.

I frowned and gave a small pout. This wasn't supposed to happen. I was supposed to be beaten and sobbing. At least according to the Mary-Sue Handbook of Satanic Perfectness, Chapter 4 Section 1: "_Rule #1: When attempting to take over the story/world , in order to be accepted, you must have the following:_

_A terrible past_...Check  
_Gorgeous to a fault_...Check  
_Have some type of powers or be athletic_..Check  
_Have the ability to save the day in stilettos..._Check..I think  
_Somehow related to the main character in the story you are in_...Check  
_Must be beaten and hope that the main character comes to your rescue...If not your screwed..._Apparently I didn't have that yet

So I did the only thing I could think of. Hey, if they didn't do it for me, I had to improvise. Of course, my genius never fails me. "AHH! HELP ME! MURDER! RAPE! AHH! SAVE ME!" I screamed theatrically as the Socs stood there, staring at me dumbly.

"Umm...We were just going to ask you if you had a cigarette..Jeez, broads these days, so fucking touchy," said one of the Socs.

"Shut up. Just pretend like you're beating me to a bloody pulp. And yes, you have to listen or I'll use my hypnotic violet eyes ray thingy," I said, dropping my sweet manner. I needed one last thing to take over the story, and I was going to get it.

I heard some guys running towards me, so I "fell" and looked like I was unconcious. Because in order for my Mary-Sue magic to work, I had to appear helpless. At least that's what the handbook said.

When the guys had chased away the Socs, I opened one eye and saw the 'gang' standing over me. I jumped to my feet (elegantly of course) and said, "Hi! I'm the uber-hot, uber-tough Ponygirl Colette Curtis-Riddle-Fowl. I can fight, I'm smart, and oh yeah-did I mention I'm Ponyboy's twin? And Artemis Fowl's mother's father's brother's cousin 6 times removed? And Tom Riddle's 10th cousin by marriage?"

They were all super hot (including Dally, even though Ponyboy describes him as being towheaded and shifty-eyed) and I knew they all thought I was gorgeous.Once again, it was my perfection. I mean come on,who didn't think I was a doll?Darry and Soda were clearly disappointed I was their kid sister.

"Whaa?" they all asked in unison. I sighed and rolled my eyes. Clearly these boys weren't as bright as I thought. Perfect for my plot that was about to be put in motion.

* * *

_A/N: The next couple of chapters will be a continuation of the Mary-Sue storyline...Give me some ideas for what I should parody after the Mary-Sue Curtis sister fic..Flames will be used to burn Ponygirl at stake..As an FYI, the insufferable twit, Ponygirl will be your narrator :)_


	2. Dundundun!

_A/N: Thanks to my reviewers:  
**JamesDeanIsMyGod**- Excuse the fangirl-ness that is about to follow: Wow! I can't believed you reviewed! You are one of my favorite authors :)  
**ScarlettFugitive**- I hate it when people say that Dally is 's0o0o0o hawt!' He is described as mean looking and towheaded, definetely not handsome... Finally, someone agrees with me!  
**Hahukum Konn- **Ehh, don't worry, she won't take over the world...yet. Nah, just playing, she won't become the ruler of the free world XD  
**Trogdor the Burninater- **Thanks for the good ideas! I'll write them down in the Mary Sue Handbook of Satanic Perfectness!  
**Fragile-Ego**- I hadn't read your story when I wrote the first chapter, but after I read your review and went to read your story, it's so f-ing funny! Can't wait till the next update!  
**Ale Curtis-Carter, Sarah126, Dreamer for lyf-** Thanks for the reviews..And here is the next update  
**FlaminSquirrelz-** Yes, cliches XD A slash story is boy and boy or girl and girl relationship_

_Disclaimer: The Outsiders doesn't belong to me..If it did, I would be off writing a sequel in which I elope with Sodapop XD Same goes for the The Very Secret Diaries by Cassie Claire and the Lord of the Rings. (marshamallows if you find the itsy bitsy Very Secret Diaries mention)_

* * *

Helms Deep is under attack! Gandalf to the rescue- Sorry, wrong story. Anyway, glory, were these guys dumb-I mean, they were ever so wonderful and ever so sweet.I gave them a sweet smile, while they were busy staring at me. Including my twin, Ponyboy. But that didn't bother me in the least. Because, as we all know, people don't care if its incest. That's because I'm ever so gorgeous, of course. 

Finally, Dally snapped out of it first (as I knew he would, because I'm also psychic) and said, "What the hell did this psycho just say?"

Pyscho? Me? Ha, not a chance, Dally. So I sauntered over to him, making sure that my hair swished in the wind because if it didn't, well-I just wouldn't be perfect anymore. And that would be bad for my plan. Very bad.(_according to the Mary Sue Handbook of Satanic Perfectness Chapter 15 Section 3: If someone doubts you, attempt to seduce him/ her/ it. If you can't, you are again, royally screwed over_.)

I put my arm around Dally and said in my most charming voice, "Well, dollface, I do believe you are the cutest thing since Elvis."

Dally gave me a strange look,ducked out from underneath my arm, and looked at me strangely. "Leave me alone! According to another plotline, I'm supposed to love Johnny and not ever tell him I dig him until I die and it'll all be very dramati-Ehh...I guess I gave away a bit too much of the plotline, didn't I," Dally said before muttering something about 'crazy authors' and lighting a cigarette.

This wasn't supposed to happen! They were supposed to welcome me with open arms and all want to makeout with me. (Again, the handbook). I could deal with Dally later. So I used my 'magic' (inherited from Tom Riddle, of course) and sucked him into a random plothole until whenever I wanted to deal with him again.

* * *

**Dally's POV**

I was sucked into a-wait, what the hell did I get sucked into? Anyway, I ended up in a deep pit surrounded by...a whole bunch of freaks, that's what. Some guy with a pointy hat and robes was busy showing a short guy with curly hair and hairy feet his 'pointy hat' trick(looked a Soc...will kill him if he tries anything). I also saw Pony's parents there!

"Mr. Curtis! Mrs. Curtis! Why are you here? Am I...dead?" I asked bewildered. Hadn't they died?

"No, dear...Ponygirl sent us here," said Mrs. Curtis warmly, apparently not bothered in the least that her own child had sucked her through a vortex and dumped her wherever we were.

Ponygirl...Wasn't she that dollfaced broad that had tried to seduce me earlier? I would have taught her a thing or two about lust...But it's not my story, and Raige doesn't want this turning into a lemon fic. Damn you, Raige!

Mrs. Curtis then went into a story about how Ponygirl travels through the universe with her Mary Sue-ness and just generally wreaks havoc on story lines. Next thing you know, she probably would have taken over the Curtis household and had Two-Bit, Steve, and Johnny at her feet! I have to stop her! Huh?Me, heroic?Nah..I really have to do somethingthough. Except for the tiny insignificant fact that I'm stuck in a vortex with no apparent way out.But...in the meantime, I'll just hang out here...Why? Because I just saw a bar in the corner where another of the Soc-looking short guys was doing a jig on the table and hey-was that a stripper! Hell yeah, I love it here!

* * *

**Ponygirl's POV**

Meanwhile, back in Tulsa,Soda had invited me to live with them, even though they didn't know me at all. It's all in the purple eyes, it's all in the eyes...

"Hey Darry, can our uber-hot younger sister come live with us, even though there's no proof that she's related to us?" asked Soda, giving Darry a sad face.

Of course, Darry said yes. Hello, its me you're talking about. How can anyone refuse me anything? Johnny kept giving me strange looks and whispering things to Darry. All Darry said was, "Calm down, kid. She ain't gonna bite ya." Meanwhile, Two-Bit and Steve kept making farting noises. I always knew Steve was a hick. As for Two-Bit...he's just weird. I mean, the non-existant Mickey Mouse obsession? Come on. Who watches Mickey Mouse while gulping down chocolate cake and beer? Apparently Two-Bit does.

We walked up to the flat where Ponyboy, Soda, Darry, and now I lived together. Wow. Their house sucked, to put it bluntly. But of course, I loved it, because I'm Ponygirl and I love everything.

I kicked Pony out of his room and he slept on the couch because I'm so perfect, they couldn't stand for me to sleep on the couch. I had a feeling Ponyboy was beginning to resent me...I yawned. I was soooooo tired. I wasn't 'so' tired I was soooooo tired, for emphasis, because that's what all pseudo-greaser teenyboppers say, of course. So I carefully hid my Mary Sue Handbook of Satanic Perfectness under my pillow, and fell asleep (looking beautiful, duh!).

* * *

**Johnny's POV**

Nope, I don't trust that galone bit at all...Not one bit at all...I think I'll go into her room, see what's up. Maybe I can find something that will tell me what the hell is wrong with her. Aha! I found a book! The Mary-Sue Handbook of what?

* * *

_A/N: Dundundun! Johnny found the Mary Sue Handbook! Will he show it the gang? Or will he keep it to himself for...other reasons?_

P.S. I'm writing another Outsiders fic called 'Reverie'..Not getting many reviews, so if you want, go check it out..Slight slash warning


End file.
